People-Pleasing Resolution
People-Pleasers
Many of my clients struggle with excessive people-pleasing. They will express frustration with being “too nice,” and how easy it is for others to take advantage of them. They give a lot and get little in return. Often they mask their pain with a smile as to not draw attention to their struggles. They know all too well that being too nice comes at the price of always coming last, and being mistreated, even by those who claim to love them.
People-pleasers figure that if they make themselves useful and pleasant, then people will want to keep them around. It is exhausting being a codependent woman. Since she cannot decline a request, she is overworked and resentful, and her own self-care suffers— big time.
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Made, not born.
A woman with people-pleasing behavior was raised with the understanding that her feelings, needs and desires were not important. She learned early on that her abusive caregivers’ wellbeing came first. As children, people-pleasers are obedient, because at their core lies fear of rejection and abandonment.
Decision Making
A woman who is a people-pleaser often is full of self-doubt, overthinks everything, and lacks confidence in her ability to make decisions. She asks others what she should do and repeatedly hands over her power.
A people-pleaser’s indecision keeps her dependent on other people to tell her what to do. It encourages her to stay small and not take risks. Her indecision negatively impacts her self-esteem and limits her advancement.
Vulnerable to Emotional Manipulators
A single woman with codependent tendencies needs to be hyper-vigilant when dating, because she is trusting by nature and sees the good in people. She has been starved for real love and connection, and is vulnerable to those who mean to take advantage of her, especially emotional manipulators.
Emotional manipulators will move the relationship very quickly to the next level, convincing the codependent woman that they share a “special relationship” and that it is “true love.” A people-pleasing woman is capable of getting swept up into a relationship quickly because it feels good at first, and may even do it to avoid hurting her partner’s feelings.
A married woman who is a people-pleaser, that is just waking-up to the fact that she is committed to an emotional manipulator, will often benefit from professional help to identify her options for staying safe and getting her life back. A relationship with an emotional manipulator can be very difficult to remove oneself from, but with help and courage, it is entirely possible.
Overcoming People-Pleasing Behavior
Becoming conscious of people-pleasing patterns in current relationships is the first step to gaining mastery over them. It is imperative that codependent women process their trauma while paying attention to red flags when meeting new people.
Women find it beneficial to understand the root causes of their people-pleasing behaviors. For many clients, our sessions are the first times in their lives that they are encouraged to get in touch with and healthily express their anger.
Through understanding their past and present relationships, learning direct communication skills, and practicing them regularly, women discover a new freedom to reclaim their power. They emerge from their past behaviors with a greater sense of competency and purpose.
I have been fortunate to witness people-pleasing women transform into confident women who truly honor themselves. It starts with the realization that she simply deserves to be treated better by others and by herself.
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161 W. 54th Street, #203
New York, NY 10019
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