People-Pleasing

Codependency develops when people-pleasing turns into a pattern of losing yourself in the needs and emotions of others. You may find yourself constantly accommodating, fixing, or rescuing, even when it depletes you. The underlying fear is that if you stop caring so much, you will be abandoned or unloved.

If you tend to only see the good in others and trust easily, you may be vulnerable to overlooking red flags. This is especially true if you grew up without reliable love, attention, or emotional safety. The hunger for connection can override your inner alarms, leaving you open to manipulation or one-sided relationships.

If your childhood involved bullying, emotional neglect, or being shamed for expressing needs, it may feel risky to take up space or assert your boundaries. You might overshare in hopes of feeling seen—only to attract criticism or unsolicited advice. Or you might stay silent, focusing on others while hiding your own pain.

In codependent dynamics, you become the one who holds it all together—caring for others, anticipating needs, and keeping peace—while your own needs go unmet. Over time, this leads to exhaustion, resentment, and a loss of self.

I will assist you in reconnecting with your identity beyond your role as a caretaker. Together, we can explore how these patterns formed and gently shift them, so you can build relationships that feel mutual, respectful, and nourishing.

Individuals who experienced emotional neglect in childhood are more susceptible to “emotional manipulators,” otherwise known as narcissists or psychopaths. These manipulators excel at love-bombing, fast-tracking relationships, and creating the illusion of a special connection or “true love.” They are skilled at charming their way into your life, making you feel valued and special.

It is very easy to get swept up in a relationship that initially feels positive. However, when the relationship takes a negative turn, you may question your judgment—but still override your intuition. Because you are used to making excuses for bad behavior, you continue with the relationship anyway. You may then remain in it long after it has become damaging, driven by a number of dysfunction-based reasons.

When you find yourself in a committed relationship with an emotional manipulator, professional assistance is essential to reclaiming your autonomy. While it may be difficult to extricate yourself from such a situation, with the right support and courage, you can regain control and break free from the toxic cycle.

If you have ever thought of yourself as having “bad luck,” or being a poor judge of character, when choosing friends or partners, there may be deeper reasons behind these patterns. Early conditioning, especially if you grew up making excuses for others, can carry into adulthood.

Emotional manipulators purposely seek out those who they can tell, have experienced childhood abuse and neglect. These individuals target people with low self-esteem, who are starved for attention, and are easy to control. Emotional manipulators are adept at identifying and exploiting your vulnerabilities.

These manipulative individuals will actually study your interests and your weaknesses to gain your trust and quickly escalate the relationship. Initially, the attention will feel jubilant and exciting, and you may believe you have finally found “the one.”

When something feels off or you know the relationship is moving too fast, you are at risk of suppressing those feelings, having been trained early on to ignore your body’s natural signals. The manipulator will tell you everything you want to hear, causing the relationship to progress quickly without question.

As the relationship deepens, emotional manipulators will usually attempt to isolate you from friends and family, excusing their possessiveness and control as love and care. Eventually, you will realize that you have lost your autonomy and your voice. Over time, gaslighting tactics will cause you to question your own thoughts and abilities, further strengthening the manipulator’s hold.

When entering a new relationship, it is important to stay aware of red flags—behaviors that reveal inconsistencies between a partner’s words and actions. While the excitement of connection can be intoxicating, paying attention to early warning signs will protect you from relationships that may become disrespectful, unbalanced, or unsafe over time.

If you grew up in a home where your caregivers were neglectful, abusive, or emotionally unavailable, you may not have learned how to judge who is truly trustworthy and who is not. People-pleasing became a necessary coping mechanism, and with it came the habit of ignoring your inner signals.

This occurred because in order to survive, you had to believe that your caregivers were right, even when their behavior felt wrong or harmful. This created a painful disconnect between what you sensed to be true and what you were forced to accept.

In therapy, we will explore whether a new partner’s behavior is truly acceptable and whether moving forward feels aligned with your values. In my experience, people-pleasers will often hesitate to share their concerns because they are used to excusing bad behavior and fear losing the love and attention that they have finally obtained. But relationships deserve conscious attention—not just emotional momentum.

By discussing your relationships in sessions, we create space to slow down and evaluate whether someone is genuinely worthy of you. It takes time to truly know someone, and being intentional helps prevent falling into familiar, unhealthy patterns.

As you learn to recognize early signs of emotional manipulation, you will feel more confident in your ability to rely on yourself, and to stand behind your own convictions. It becomes easier to step out of old roles, and self-respect becomes the foundation for more balanced, fulfilling relationships.