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Therapy for healing toxic relationships

Trauma

When Trauma Remains Unresolved

Trauma leaves a deep imprint on your emotional and psychological well-being, whether it happened early in life or more recently. It shapes how you view yourself, relate to others, and interpret the world around you. Many people try to move on by pushing painful memories aside, but trauma does not disappear with time—it lives on in your nervous system, influencing how you think, feel, and respond to stress.

You might carry a constant sense of unease or anxiety without knowing why. Even if your mind has blocked the memory, your body still holds it. Symptoms like a racing heart, tight muscles, or shallow breathing are often your body’s way of signaling that something unresolved still needs your attention. These signals are not random—they are invitations to slow down, pay attention, and begin healing.

Virtual therapy for trauma recovery

How Trauma Disrupts Development

When trauma occurs in childhood, it can interfere with key stages of development, affecting how you connect, regulate emotions, and build a sense of self. Experiencing abuse, neglect, or ongoing stress from those who were supposed to care for you, your nervous system may have learned to stay in survival mode rather than connection.

This wiring can lead to challenges later in life—struggling to trust others, feeling unsafe in your own body, or not knowing how to form stable relationships. Complex trauma, especially when it is repeated or ongoing, often leads to emotional regulation issues, cognitive difficulties, and even physical health concerns.

As you grow older, these early wounds may show up as persistent shame, anxiety, depression, or people-pleasing tendencies that are hard to shake. You may feel like you are never enough or that you must earn love and safety—beliefs rooted in how you were treated, not in who you truly are.

Living With

the Effects of Trauma

Trauma does not end with the event itself—it can shape the course of your life in subtle and significant ways. If you grew up with caregivers who harmed or ignored you, the very foundation of safety and trust was compromised. You may never have learned how to calm your nervous system or feel truly at ease.

To cope, you might have developed patterns that once protected you—numbing out, avoiding emotions, or seeking external validation—but now keep you stuck. These patterns can include substance use, eating disorders, and risky behavior.

Another common effect is developing a harsh inner critic. If you were often blamed or belittled, you may have internalized those messages and turned them inward. That voice can grow louder over time, fueling self-doubt, self-loathing, and the belief that you only deserve scraps of love or success.

Recognizing Trauma

in Your Own Story

One of the biggest challenges in addressing trauma is that it often goes unrecognized. Many people do not consider themselves trauma survivors because the behaviors they endured had been normalized within their families. When abuse or neglect is all you have known, it can be difficult to see it for what it is.

But trauma often reveals itself in how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others, and how safe you feel in the world. You may struggle with anxiety, low self-worth, or recurring patterns in relationships without knowing why. Part of my role is to help you gently connect the dots between your past experiences and your present struggles.

Therapy is not about assigning blame—it is about understanding what happened, how it shaped you, and what you can do now to heal. Recognizing that the way you were treated was not your fault is a powerful step toward self-compassion and change.

The Body’s

Response to Trauma

When your body perceives a threat, it instinctively reacts by preparing to fight, flee, or freeze. For children who could not escape harmful environments, the freeze response often became the default—a way to shut down and survive overwhelming fear.

As an adult, you may still live in that freeze state. You might feel numb, disconnected, or chronically stuck. You could alternate between being on edge and feeling completely shut down, making it hard to find emotional balance.

Understanding these responses as survival strategies—not personal failings—can help you make sense of your symptoms. It also opens the door to learning new ways to feel grounded, connected, and safe again.

Breaking Harmful Cycles

and Finding New Ways Forward

When trauma is left unaddressed, it can lead to behaviors that feel out of control or self-destructive. Self-harm may be used to feel something, or to express inner pain. Substance use and impulsive behaviors can become ways to cope with emotions that feel too big to handle.

Relationships often mirror early wounds. You may long for connection but keep finding yourself drawn to people who are emotionally unavailable or even abusive—repeating what feels familiar. If you become a parent without healing your own trauma, you may unintentionally pass those patterns on, continuing a cycle you never asked for.

But the cycle can stop with you. By seeking assistance, turning inward, and understanding your past, you are taking the first step toward change—not only for yourself, but for the generations that follow.

Case Study:

Breaking Free from Cycles of Trauma and Toxic Relationships

When my client began therapy, he was stuck in a painful cycle with his live-in girlfriend. Their relationship was marked by frequent arguments, emotional volatility, and repeated breakups—he would move out during intense fights, only to return a few days later, hoping things would improve.

His girlfriend was a functioning substance user who smoked weed daily, which added to the instability he felt but could not fully explain. My client came to therapy feeling confused, overwhelmed, and unsure of why he kept repeating the same patterns.

As we began our work together, using a combination of talk therapy and Somatic Experiencing (SE), a deeper, more full story started to emerge. In time, he shared that his father had been an alcoholic and physically abusive, and that his mother was emotionally neglectful and also physically abusive. Most painfully, his mother had failed to protect him from a stepfather who was also abusive.

These early experiences had left him with unresolved trauma that was shaping his adult relationships—particularly his ability to recognize red flags, set boundaries, and trust his own instincts. Notably, my client had not previously recognized his parents’ behaviors as abusive and neglectful, because that was all he knew about how families functioned.

He had never identified himself as a trauma survivor. Together, we peeled back the layers of his past, gently processing the emotional and physiological imprints of childhood abuse. As his awareness grew, so did his self-compassion. He began to understand why chaos felt so comfortable and familiar, and why he had unconsciously chosen a partner whose behavior mirrored dynamics from his early life.

Over time, my client developed the emotional tools, communication skills, and inner stability needed to make changes. He left the toxic relationship, and for the first time, began building a life rooted in clarity, self-respect, and peace. Today he is confident, and finally free from the patterns that once kept him stuck and held him back.

Trauma Healing Therapy:

A Path to Recovery

Healing from trauma is a journey that involves much more than simply revisiting past experiences. In our psychotherapy sessions, we will take a comprehensive approach, addressing the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of your well-being. Together, we will explore the patterns that continue to hold you back, and work towards building a healthier lifestyle.

Most importantly, our work together will be centered on helping you develop a loving and compassionate relationship with yourself, the foundation of true healing.

When you genuinely rely on yourself, you become free from the need to seek validation or happiness from outside yourself. You gain the ability to take control of your life, make decisions that are right for you, and create a future that reflects your true desires. Being on your own side leads to increased satisfaction and contentment.